Setting Boundaries Around Wedding Planning - For the sake of your sanity

Listen, I get it. Wedding planning can feel like you've got 100 tabs open in your brain simultaneously. Between Pinterest scrolling, juggling vendors, and navigating everyone's opinions, it's easy to feel like you're drowning in stress instead of riding the wave of excitement.

But what if I told you there's a way to reclaim your sanity and actually enjoy this crazy, beautiful journey?

This episode's an invitation to get curious about what's causing the overwhelm and learn how to create a wedding planning process that truly supports you. We're talking about:

• Setting boundaries: Because saying "no" is a superpower.
• Prioritizing your well-being: You deserve to feel good, not fried.
• Asking the right questions: The ones that uncover the process that works for you, not some generic timeline.
• And so much more! (Think: actionable tips, mindset shifts, and a whole lotta real talk.)

This episode is your permission slip to ditch the shoulds, honor your needs, and plan a wedding that feels as good as it looks.

Ready to ditch the stress and step into your power as a bride? Get your honeybuns on the email list and be the first to know when our community Unbridled opens up. It will be everything you hoped for AND a bag of chips. 

www.alifecoachforbrides.com

Transcript

The Antidote to Wedding Planning Burnout: Boundaries & Strategy

[00:00:00] Amy: Hey bride, welcome back to the podcast! It's me, your wedding wing-woman. If you have been feeling overwhelmed, overstimulated, or straight-up burnt out by everything that comes with planning a wedding, or just life in general, I need you to know that you are not alone. Not even a little.

(Into Plus Music) Hey Bride, If planning your wedding hasn’t exactly gone how you hoped or if stressed is becoming the leading lady of your wedding story - you have come to the right place. I’m Amy, a life coach and your wedding wing woman. This is Hey Bride. A podcast meant to inspire, encourage and uplift you. In each episode myself and other guests will drop gems and fresh perspectives so that you can stress less, embrace your bridal badassery and enjoy this 

[00:01:05] Today, we're talking about how to stop the cycle. The sabotage cycle, the overwhelm, the stress cycle. How to hold on to your sanity while you are planning your wedding, and coming up with ways to set boundaries for yourself so that you can actually enjoy this experience instead of letting it drain you.

Basically, I want you to know that hope is on the horizon, no matter what has got you feeling like you're drowning. So, let's get into it. I'm just gonna put this out there—I already alluded to this in the intro—but life has been a bitch. My god, it has been a hard year. A very hard year and an extremely rough three months for me.

[00:01:56] I recently opened up to my therapist about how much I've been feeling the weight of everything: my life, my business, this new administration we have in America—which, if you know me, you know why it's hitting so hard. Like, almost paralyzing at times. So, instead of figuring out how to move forward, basically what was happening is I found myself scrolling TikTok endlessly, overthinking just about everything, and feeling like crap.

[00:02:32] So, yeah, no wonder I had no energy left to do the things that I love, like showing up here for you. It has felt very, very heavy. I don't know if you're in this boat too, but I wanted to talk to my therapist about it because something that I know helps me is when I say something out loud, things just kind of fall into place.

[00:02:58] As soon as I vented it all for, like, 10 minutes, I just, like, went for it. I told her, like, what I have been doing, how it's been affecting me, what I know I should be doing, and, like, why I'm not, and, like, what things I have watched fall along the wayside, like, the things that make me feel good, and I was just honest with her and I was like, "It's just felt almost paralyzing."

[00:03:28] I know for me to move forward and do the things that help me to feel good and help me to feel my best and show up how I want in my personal and professional life are boundaries. And I told her, I said, "I need to, like, figure out how to put boundaries around this so that I don't find myself in, like, a spiral and I don't find myself doom scrolling or catastrophizing a situation because it's just not healthy for me."

[00:04:01] I told her one of the things that I wanted to do was to set a time limit on social media consumption or just consumption of information that has to do with our administration and the state of our country and the world. That's when she basically said something that lit off a whole bunch of light bulbs.

It, like, was like, "Oh, okay." She told me, "What if it's not just what you're consuming, but when you're consuming it?" I was starting my morning by opening up the TikTok app and seeing what was happening. It immediately inspired how I would feel throughout the rest of the day. And y'all, I know, so, I know better.

[00:04:50] Doesn't matter, that was in the past, we're moving forward now. But she was so right. I had been consuming this content from, like, 20 minutes after I woke up. I was still doing some of the things that I know I need to do. I was journaling, doing a little bit of gratitude, and then, like, I was kind of rushing through it...in a way so that I could get to the information that I was seeking out.

[00:05:19] I basically was setting myself up to feel like shit for the rest of the day, which directly correlates to how I felt when I was planning my wedding. Yeah, this episode is not just about politics. In fact, it's really not about that at all. It's about how we feel, how we're doing, and how to move forward in a way that doesn't completely stress us out or paralyze us. When I was planning my wedding, I realized early on that I was going to have to set limitations for myself. 

[00:06:00] You know how when your brain feels like it has a hundred tabs open all at the same time? I like to call it "ADHD brain," but I've worked with enough brides to know that neurotypical people deal with a version of this, too. When it came to planning this super important event, I knew it would be prime breeding ground for overwhelm. There's just so many details that go into it, so many decisions, and the pressure of making things how I wanted it to be, how I wanted to experience it, I just knew it would take a lot.

I set myself up for success fairly early. Regardless of where you are in your journey, this is something that you can do for yourself. And today, that is what I want to help you do. But instead of handing you a one-size-fits-all strategy, I want to give you something better: the right questions to ask yourself.

[00:06:48] Because the truth is, the best process for you? You already know it. You just need to uncover it. So, take a second, breathe, grab a notebook and your favorite pen, and then ask yourself, "How am I really doing?" How am I doing? Not that surface-level, "I'm fine," bullshit response that we like to give people when we meet them for brunch.

No, ma'am. How do you actually feel right now? Mentally, emotionally, physically? How about how are you doing even when it comes to planning your wedding and life and all the areas you can possibly think of? Just write all the things. The second question is, "What is going on that's making me feel this way?" This is an opportunity for you to check in and really ask yourself what's happening that's causing you to be disappointed or frustrated or stressed out.

[00:07:51] This is like a vent session, pen-to-paper style. Whatever comes up, let it come out, start connecting the dots. 

[00:08:00] The third question is, "Have I ever felt this way before?" Think back, and ask what helped. What got you through a time like this before? Was it support from a friend? Was it boundaries? What exactly helped you move through it?  What helped you feel better? That's really what you're uncovering. The fourth question is, "How do I want to feel?" Not how should I feel, or how do other people tell me I should feel. No, how do you want to feel in this moment? How do you want to feel when you are devoting time to planning your wedding? Do you want to feel frazzled?

[00:08:44] Probably not. 

My guess is you want to feel calm, excited, focused, energized—just name it, all the feelings. If you don't know, there's lists online, and you know what? I'm going to link one in today's episode. And, final question—but also not the final question because this can, you can really peel back the layers—but the last question I will leave with you is, "What is one thing that I can do in the next 10 minutes to support myself?"

[00:09:17] I want you to feel better right now. I also want you to feel better long term. But the secret is, is if you start to feel better now, you can support yourself in feeling better long term. So, small, doable shifts make the biggest difference. Is it a walk outside? Just to make a frickin' decision? Tell somebody no and move on?

[00:09:44] What is one thing that you can do in the next 10 minutes to support yourself in feeling how you want to feel? Why not just give you a step-by-step plan and call it a day? Because self-awareness is the foundation of everything. [00:10:00] You don't need another generic wedding planning timeline, although I know there's some really cute ones.] I even have some for my clients. You don't need someone telling you how you should be handling things. 

What you actually need is a process that fits you. One that works with your energy, your stress levels, your lifestyle. 

[00:10:26] Here's the thing: The way you feel is directly tied to what you are doing or not doing.Thoughts influence our feelings. Feelings inspire our actions, and our actions directly correlate to our results. But, we rarely slow down long enough to notice the connection. These questions, these simple five questions, will help you to zoom out and see the patterns. If you're constantly overwhelmed, what is feeding that?

[00:10:52] If you're stuck in a spiral, what's keeping you there? If you've gotten through a tough season before, what helped? Once you understand why you feel the way you do, you can start making intentional shifts that actually support you, not stress you the fuck out. And sometimes, it takes us saying something out loud or writing it on paper to move forward. 

That's how you create a process that isn't just effective, but sustainable. And I know that right now, these questions have nothing to do with how you go about planning your wedding, but trust me, you can put a spin on these questions and figure it out for yourself. I highly suggest that you don't actually, like, do the work until you've figured out the rest of the stuff.

[00:11:42] That was the pre-work. Assuming you've done that and you have a really good understanding of how to support yourself and feeling how you want to feel as you plan your wedding, let's figure out what kind of approach might actually work for you. 

[00:12:00] So, the first question that I would ask is, "When do I feel the most clear-headed and focused?" Morning, midday, or evening? Do I need quiet, movement, music, coffee? Understanding when your brain is naturally in a good place can help you to schedule planning in a way that will work for you, not against you. For me, working on my wedding right before bed? It set me up for failure. It led to a lot, it just led to a lot of indecision.

[00:12:39] The second question you could ask yourself is, "What drains me the most during wedding planning?" Endless scrolling, too many opinions, decision fatigue, procrastinating and then feeling rushed. Knowing what drains you lets you build a process that will avoid those traps. 

The third question is, "What helped me stay on track with big projects in the past?"

[00:13:05] Was it structure, like lists, timelines, and schedules? Accountability from a friend, coach, or check-ins? A planner? Working in short bursts versus long sessions? Look at what has worked before. You don't have to reinvent the wheel. You want to go to what you already know works for you, not other people. 

The fourth question is, "What do I need to make wedding planning feel good?"

[00:13:33] This is where all those other questions really come into play. Do you need it to feel structured and flexible? Do you need little breaks built in or momentum to keep going? What is one thing that would make the whole process more enjoyable?

For me, it needed to be very meaningful. That's what I wanted. If you're gonna spend months planning, let's at least make it work in a way that doesn't drain the life out of you, okay? Because what we don't want is for you to end up burnt out. 

The fifth question, and the final for now, is, "How will I know when it's time to step back and reset?"

[00:14:11] Girl, you got to listen to those cues. What sign does your body or mind give you when you're doing too much? What's a small way that you can reset when you notice those signs? Self-awareness will help you to prevent burnout before it even happens. And if you're not sure, go back and listen to the Wedding Wellbeing series.

It is four episodes—mind, body, spirit. And I think maybe an intro. I don't really know, but go listen. I think it will, it actually ties in beautifully with all of this.

[00:14:46] Listen, this isn't just about making to-do lists or checking things off. It is about designing a process that will actually support you. One that helps you to get things done without losing yourself in the process. You want your wedding to be you. You want it to be a reflection of you and your partner and your love story and the things that you value.

Well, you want the same for your process. Your wedding journey is the thing that you're going to remember. And I know you might not believe it right now, but it—for most of us—has been true. And when you ask these kinds of questions, you'll start to notice patterns and what actually will work for you and, you know, what won't.

[00:15:30] That is what makes wedding planning feel more manageable, less overwhelming, and—dare I say—enjoyable or super fucking fun, because it can be, I promise! If you are still feeling unsure, don't worry about it. I will gladly share the exact process that worked for me when I planned mine. Just remind yourself that it is the plan that worked for me, is not the plan that I guarantee will work for you. Not even close. 

I based my process, my strategy, off of the things that I knew I would need to succeed, and I knew what I wanted my journey to look like. The first thing I did is I started to set boundaries around wedding planning. I chose specific times on specific days to work. I calendared it out. And I did this because I knew if I did, it wouldn't hijack my entire day.

[00:16:33] Outside of those times, it would have to wait. And like I said, I had to have my own back. I had to, like, correct myself. I had to do some redirection. Lots of pats on the back for doing a good job. Lots of hugs for when, eh, not so much. I created structure. I did a huge brain dump. What I did is I asked myself—I wrote at the very top, "What is everything I need to do to have my dream wedding?"

[00:16:59] And I wrote down everything my brain could come up with. Then, after a bit of time, I didn't do this all in one sitting because that would have been overwhelming. I came back to it and I started to decide when I might have to do these things. I kind of created a road map, and I did not have a wedding planner, so I did a lot of guessing and I just did a very draft road map. Decided, like, what are the things I need to get done first? How do I want to spend my winter? When do I need to start getting busy again? And I just frickin' mapped it out. 

Once I knew, like, the major things that I had to do, I started a phenomenal Google Sheet. I labeled each tab for something specific: one for the venue, one for the vendors, one for the budget, one for the meals, one for each event in our three-day wedding weekend.

[00:18:02] Oh, one for my dream team. Literally everything. Not all at once, because it kind of evolved as my planning went forward. But, I did that so that I could get it out of my head onto paper or spreadsheet so that I could see it, knowing that I took that list that I created, that huge list from that brain dump that I spent about 20 minutes on.

[00:18:30] Knowing that I looked at that and I took that into account when I made this spreadsheet, it was a reminder to me that, "Don't worry, it already has a home." And it helped me to not feel all the time like I was forgetting something. But that wasn't enough. I knew that I needed to have time constraints around this so that—so that wedding planning didn't take over my life, so that I wasn't completely stressed out, so that I didn't have extreme anxiety and panic attacks.

[00:19:02] That's something that I sometimes experience. No, thank you. That is terrible, so I wanted to limit that. I wanted to do whatever I could to manage the stress around wedding planning.

[00:19:27] I had to plan it out, and it went week to week to week, and it changed all the time. It became part of my weekly routine. Every Sunday, I would look at the week ahead and I would plan certain things out, and then every morning as part of my, like, morning ritual, like journaling and planning my day, I would pencil in a certain time that day that I would focus on wedding planning.

And then I had to hold myself to it. 

I practiced self-discipline a lot. I reminded myself that just because I thought about something didn't mean I needed to take action on it right now. It could wait. And like I said, when I caught myself spiraling, I very gently, very lovingly redirected. Sometimes I just went with it.

[00:20:17] I kind of ran it through a filter: If what I was doing wasn't keeping me from doing my job, or it wasn't keeping me from other things that I care about, and I was having fun doing it, then I would keep going. Otherwise, if I was feeling not great—which leads me to my next thing—I pressed pause. I listened to my body.

[00:20:36] If I had tension, anxiety, feeling like it was too much, feeling like I couldn't relax, those were signs that I should just stop pushing. Like, "Amy, stop. Do not go any further." I would usually commit to that. And the other thing that I did—these are in no particular order, they kind of all work together—is I took care of myself. I prioritized my well-being. 

I value my well-being over anything. It is my core value, well-being over everything. Literally, that is what is written out. It matters to me a lot because I know that when my well-being suffers, everything fucking does, which is why I had to talk to my therapist about how January was feeling so paralyzing.

[00:21:28] At the end of the day, it isn't about following my process. It's about recognizing what you need and finding yours. Now that I walked you through all of those questions and you heard my, my strategy, here's the key: Your process needs to work for you. I knew it worked for me because I know myself. I know how my brain works.

[00:21:49] I understand my energy levels. I understand my body's cues and what they're telling me. I know what I need to feel grounded. What would keep me from spiraling [00:22:00] into overwhelm, because I promise you, I did. But you, your energy, your needs, and your vision for this season might look completely different. And that's not a problem. In fact, it's a very good thing.  Don't stress about getting things perfect or doing it my way. Take what fits, leave what doesn't, and build something that actually supports you in a way that feels good, that feels authentic.

[00:22:28] Because wedding planning isn't just about the wedding—I hate to break it to you. It's about how you take care of yourself while creating something meaningful. It's about how you do life. This is bigger than wedding planning. This is a moment where you learn how to set boundaries, how to protect your well-being, how to navigate stress without losing yourself in it.

[00:22:50] This season brings up some shit, right? This season is shaping you. You are facing things that maybe are normally easy to ignore or you haven't noticed before because it's aggravated by the stress, by dealing with people that maybe you don't deal with on a regular basis. Who you are becoming right now, the way you show up, the way you honor your needs, the things that you prioritize...it all matters.

[00:23:17] You're building habits that will carry you into your marriage and beyond. So, if things feel messy, if you're struggling to find your footing, just know this: This is a practice. You're allowed to keep adjusting until it works. There is no failure. You just keep going, and you work it out.

[00:23:38] Here's what I want you to do after listening to 20 minutes of that. Take a deep breath. Seriously. Right now, pause, breathe, breathe deep, and reset. Do one small thing today that will support your well-being. It doesn't [00:24:00] have to be big. Just do something that you know will shift your energy in the right direction.

[00:24:05] And if this resonated with you, let's stay connected. Send me a DM, email me, join my newsletter, because you don't have to figure this shit out all on your own. And there's a community coming—Unbridled. I've been talking about it forever, but it's finally coming to life and you will find yourself in the company of other brides that are dealing with the same things you are, and together you guys can find a way forward. If you loved this episode, subscribe so that you don't miss the next one, because let's be honest, I drop episodes whenever inspiration strikes.

[00:24:44] It's not weekly or bi-weekly. It's just whenever. Before we go...again, you are not just planning a wedding, you are creating a memory, a chapter in your life story, and it's beautiful. Don't let anyone or anything steal the joy you deserve in this season. Take breaks, breathe, protect your peace, honor yourself, and most of all, enjoy this.

[00:25:12] Until next time, I'm sending you all the love. We'll talk soon.