Stop waiting for them. Choose yourself.

Waiting for someone to plan the bachelorette? Waiting for the bridal shower to materialize? Waiting for the group chat to wake up?  Waiting to feel celebrated?

If that's you - this is the fire-under-the-ass pep-talk you need - delivered in the most loving way possible. We're getting into the story you're telling yourself about why nobody's stepping up, what's probably actually true, and the one decision that changes everything.

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Transcript

Stop waiting on them. Choose yourself. 

[00:00:00] Amy Cloonan: This episode is for the brides who are waiting, waiting for people to ask them for what they want, their bridal party, their moms, their aunts, waiting for someone to step up. Hey, bride. Welcome to a podcast where we talk about what wedding planning brings to the surface, the pressure, the overthinking, family dynamics, all of it.

[00:00:27] I'm Amy, a life coach who knows getting married changes more than your relationship status. The goal here isn't just to plan a wedding people remember. It's to love your experience and support the person you're becoming in the process. Let's dive in This is a pep talk that I think a lot of y'all need, because I am in the Facebook groups, and there is only so much I can do when I'm responding to one of your posts.

[00:00:54] If you're listening to this, there's a high chance I sent it to you, and I want you to know I really do actually care, and it doesn't have to be this way. This episode is for the brides who are waiting, waiting for people to ask them for what they want, their bridal party, their moms, their aunts. Waiting for someone to step up, waiting for someone to plan the bachelorette, waiting for someone to throw the bridal shower, waiting for people to be active in the group chat, waiting to be chosen, and waiting to feel celebrated.

[00:01:29] If you are feeling disappointed right now because these things that you want have not happened and it doesn't look like they are, maybe you're hearing about other people and what they have. Maybe you're reading their posts in those Facebook groups, and it has you feeling a little sad, a little left out, a little less cared for.

[00:01:50] Today I'm gonna tell you to stop waiting, and I mean that in the most loving, fire under your ass kind of way. Instead, I want you to let go of everything that has happened up until this point and ask yourself, "What do I actually want my experience to be?" Not what you think you can afford, not what you're afraid to ask for, not what people aren't doing for you, not the watered down version that you already pre-negotiated in your head because you don't wanna seem high maintenance or too much or dramatic or excessive or greedy.

[00:02:27] I hear what you guys are saying and I know that's how you feel. I want you to just first ask yourself what you want. Do you want a bachelorette in your own town or some destination? A bachelorette party, a whole bachelorette weekend? Do you want a low-key bridal shower with your favorite people in your aunt's backyard, or do you want something big?

[00:02:55] Do you want your bridal party to be more engaged with you? Do you want them to check in with you? Do you wanna feel seen and celebrated? These are real wants. It's okay. They're valid. There's nothing wrong with you if this is how you wanna feel, and you're not getting it, and you feel bad about it. I would say that's pretty normal, actually, because you probably had expectations going into this.

[00:03:19] You probably thought that's how it would be, and it's legitimate. You are allowed to want these things. I definitely wanted different versions of them. What's your version? 

[00:03:31] Here's why this is tricky. It's the story we tell ourself. When the people that we love don't show up the way we hoped, the way we expected, when nobody plans anything, or the group chat is silent, when the bridal shower just doesn't look like it's happening, we make it mean something.

[00:03:55] They don't care. I'm not a priority. They aren't as excited as I am. I must not matter. Maybe I'm asking too much. The story is what keeps you sitting in disappointment instead of actually going out there and creating what you just told yourself you wanted. I'm gonna offer you something different. Maybe people aren't stepping up because they don't know what you want.

[00:04:19] Maybe they just don't have the money right now. Maybe it would put them in some type of financial hardship. Maybe they actually feel bad about it. Maybe they just have things going on, and they are overwhelmed with their own lives. Maybe they genuinely don't know you wanted it in the first place. Maybe they're just waiting for someone else to step up.

[00:04:40] None of that means they don't love you. None of that means they aren't excited for you. It just means they haven't done it. That's it. People are people. We get distracted, and sometimes things don't go the way we hoped they would. Here's the question that I think needs to be asked and isn't. Why would you deprive yourself of something you want just because nobody's done it?

[00:05:09] You can throw your own bridal shower. You can plan your own bachelorette. You can tell your bridal party exactly what you want and ask them directly if they can do that for you. You can say, "Hey, when I'm not getting feedback, when I'm not getting a response from you guys, it makes me feel like you don't care, and that's probably not true.

[00:05:32] This is what I need. This is what I hoped for. Is that something that you can do?" Communicate. You can actually be direct. You can even create the experience you're craving with or without them. Doing it yourself does not make it less meaningful. It does not mean you settled. It does not mean you didn't deserve to have someone else do it.

[00:05:56] It doesn't mean anything bad. It means you decided you were worth it, and you made it happen. That is not settling. That, my friend, is powerful. Women are scrappy. When we decide something's happening, we figure it the fuck out. We get creative. We find a path. We find solutions. We make shit happen. But the creativity comes after the decision, after we have said, "This is what I want, and yes, I can have it," after you believe you can.

[00:06:40] So make the damn decision. Decide you want it. Decide you deserve it. Decide you're not gonna sit one out waiting for permission that's never coming, waiting for people to do something that they haven't done. Stop waiting to be chosen, and choose yourself. That's it. And if that doesn't sit right, if it makes you feel a little uncomfortable, I want you to dig into that today because that discomfort is telling you something.

[00:07:13] There is some self-concept or self-worth stuff. Something is there that's worth looking into. As a life coach for brides, if you were sitting on a Zoom call with me right now, that is exactly where we'd go. What is your brain making this mean, and is it true? Do you want it to be? Probably not. And it doesn't have to impact you in a negative way.

[00:07:40] You can still salvage this. You can still have the experience that you deserve. I hope that this pep talk is the permission you didn't need but needed to hear anyway. So go create something wonderful for yourself, not because other people aren't showing up for you, but because you deserve it. And if this hit home, that's exactly what Unbridled is for.

[00:08:06] It's my community built for brides, brides who want to have a wonderful experience planning their wedding, brides that refuse to abandon themselves to everyone else's expectations and are ready to actually own this period of their lives, this life transition. The wait list for our community is open.

[00:08:29] It's coming soon. I can't wait for us to begin, and we get to have conversations like this in small groups and get into what it is you're experiencing so that you walk out of it with solutions and feeling better. Links in the show notes if you're interested. Don't deprive yourself. Go get it. Create it.

[00:08:52] Invite people in. You don't have to wait for them to invite you. Talk to you soon. Bye.